Everyone loves a good catch-up with their best friend, and it's imperative to understand every single detail as their dating stories unfold. As you spill the tea with your bestie on FaceTime, they begin breaking down everything that happened the last time they hung out with their crush. It's all fun and exciting until they randomly bring up bases without any previous mention of baseball — "Yeah, I still can't believe we made it to second base last night." You don't have the heart to tell them you don't get it, but you can't help but wonder what they mean.
When someone mentions first base, second base, third base, or a home run, they're likely referring to the bases of dating, sex, and relationships. Through the baseball metaphor, there are different sets of bases that represent several levels of verbal and physical intimacy you may reach with your partner. We reached out to psychotherapist and author, Natalie Kohlhaas, to further explain the metaphor and give us a rundown on the bases of dating and what they really entail.
What are the bases of dating?
While the "bases" of dating aren't technical terms, they serve as casual slang for different levels of sex and relationships. According to Kohlhaas, romantic intimacy is about looking to find someone who you respect and who values you. "The bases are not about looking to 'score' sexually, but finding someone to explore with and who you trust and understand," she tells Seventeen.
Romantic intimacy, as a bigger picture, includes the "talking phase" as well as any advances like holding hands and kissing. Below, Kohlhaas outlines the bases of dating with both emotional and physical connections in mind.
- First base includes talking through text/face-to-face interaction, holding hands, and kissing.
- Second base includes physical touching above the waist.
- Third base includes verbally sharing vulnerabilities.
- Fourth Base includes physical touching below the waist. With sexual intercourse, you are now out of the dating "bases" and into a potential relationship.
When you start hanging out with your crush or start a new relationship, you may feel inclined to measure your progress of physical intimacy, like kissing and sex, through bases. In terms of hooking up, Kohlhaas says there is a different set of bases than the ones above that you can call back to as you anticipate your first make-out or hook-up with a certain person. These are more focused on sex, intimacy, and physical touch:
- First base is kissing, making out, open-mouth kissing (a.k.a french kissing), and closed-mouth kissing.
- Second base is touching above the waist.
- Third base is stimulating anywhere below the waist.
- Fourth base is having sexual intercourse, otherwise known as a "score" or "home run."
- In some cases, fifth base can be considered anal intercourse.
When did the baseball metaphor originate?
People have been saying they've hit first, second, and third base for what seems like forever, but when did the baseball metaphor actually become common slang? According to Kohlhaas, the baseball metaphor dates back to the 1940s.
"The baseball metaphor seems to have first started after World War II as a means to explain the typical pattern for sexual experimentation," Kohlhaas explains. "Though this metaphor is in constant flux and has changed slightly since the 1960s — one aspect is the added bases."
Sam is an assistant news editor at Cosmo, covering all things pop culture, entertainment, and celebrity news. She previously covered those same topics along with health, lifestyle, and beauty at Seventeen. When she isn't draping her cheeks in blush, you can probably find her live-tweeting awards shows or making SwiftToks.
