Dating in the year 2023 is a LOT of things, but simple isn't one of them. Besides dealing with being ghosted, getting breadcrumbed, or having to have the dreaded "Are we dating or nah?" talk, single people also have to avoid being a victim or perpetrator of benching.
If you're tired of learning new dating slang, too bad; you gotta be in it to win it when you entire the dating pool!
Per Urban Dictionary, "Benching is when you start dating someone you think is nice and who has potential, but you're not crazy about them. You don't know whether to keep dating them, or dump them and move on to the next one. This is where benching happens; instead of going for either of the above polarized options, you put your date in your mental 'maybe' folder and 'bench them' so you date around to see what else is out there."
Simply put: You keep your options open and play the field. (Heh, sports puns.)
Benching can happen when you're going on dates with different people — let's call them A, B, and C for this explanation — but you're not sure how you feel about them. Maybe you really like A, but you still want to get to know B and C more before you make any kind of commitment. Poor A is now "benched" while you figure out how you feel about B and C. You may return to A later, ultimately stringing them along in the process.
If you need a more concrete example, Harper's Bazaar pointed out that Jasper from The Holiday is the poster child for the ~art~ of benching. He strung Kate Winslet's character, Iris, along for the whole movie. The audacity!
Benching sucks and is yet another way to get your heart *Yzma voice* smashed with a hammer.
One method to stop benching (because you may be doing it and not even realizing it) is to tell the person or people you're seeing that you want to keep things casual. Just be upfront about what you want — or don't want — in a relationship. This allows the person you were benching to decide if they're fine with just keeping it casual or if they want to tell you bye and continue to look for someone to be monogamous with instead. Communication is key for any kind of relationship!
Stacey Grant is a senior editor at Seventeen who runs the brand's Snapchat Discover channel. She also covers entertainment topics specializing in nostalgia, such as classic '90s and '00s Disney Channel and Nickelodeon content.
